Marriage counselling

As counsellors, we have found that the greatest issue is the inability to communicate. With good communication skills, the vast majority of issues are manageable for a  married couple. Without them, however, the same problems plague the marriage year after year and worsen with time.

Like all skills, communication skills are learned. A counsellor is an expert in communication who can teach you and your partner how to get through to one another. With the ability to navigate issues, your marriage is far more likely to succeed.

If you are online reading about the benefits of pre-marital counselling, you are probably already ready to take the next step. You have heard about all of the incredible transformative effects of working with a mental health professional in a safe and comfortable setting. You know that your communication skills can be improved and that you have the potential to be happier and healthier as a couple. But how do you get your spouse on board?

The best way to bring this up with your spouse is to be open, honest, and clear. This is the time for a calm and productive conversation, not a time to rehash old issues.

While you might be nervous to bring up marriage counselling or therapy, especially during a stressful time in your marriage, the conversation can be quick and easy. Just aim to keep it simple and direct rather than digging into every issue.

Approach your partner calmly and say that you want to improve your communication skills and learn how to better navigate your relationship. It is crucial to avoid assigning blame, being defensive, or bringing up old issues. 

Keep in mind that communication skills are the same as any other type of skill. Our communication skills are learned and, by the time we get married, many of us have learned a range of bad communication habits.

Even with the best attempts on both sides, sometimes communication styles don’t match and it’s hard to communicate. Using two different communication styles and expecting to be understood is like speaking two different languages without a translator. You need to learn how to navigate this divide and speak in a way that your partner can understand. This is one of the core goals of therapy.

Therapy is beneficial at any stage of a marriage. You don’t need to wait until things feel completely unmanageable. On the contrary, you are much better off starting with therapy before then. That is why many faiths have required marital counselling for generations. The earlier that you can learn healthy and productive community action skills, the better your marriage will be.

It is important to remember that marriage therapy and counselling is not a last resort before divorcing. On the contrary, getting started with therapy early on is always a good idea. This will help you lay the foundation for a thriving marriage.

Wondering what to expect during the session? It is common to feel nervous before your first session and worry about what is going to be said. Feeling like you are going to be judged or embarrassed is a very natural fear. Couples are often surprised when they get started and realise just how comfortable they feel during sessions.

Therapy is not one-size-fits-all. During your first sessions, your marriage therapist will get to know you. As a couple, you’ll have the chance to openly express the key issues that cause stress in your relationship. This will help your therapists understand you, and set the stage for creating goals in your therapy.

Ultimately, it is your decision on what is discussed. You and your spouse will identify the key causes of stress in your marriage and decide what you would like to get out of your marriage therapy sessions.

Choosing the right counsellor for you is your first big step to getting started with marriage therapy. Deciding on the right counsellor for you is a very personal decision and it is one that you should take together as a couple.

Here at A Kind Place, we offer free 15-minute consultations with each and every one of our therapists. To make the process as simple as possible, you can schedule a session with any one of our therapists online.

Having that first no-obligation session will help you feel more comfortable with the process and we recommended that you get started as a couple. You and your partner will be able to each ask your own questions to potential marriage therapists. 

It is common to get started with questions about each counsellor’s qualifications and experience in the industry. If religion is at the heart of your relationship, you may want to know how well a potential therapist understands your faith. Perhaps you want to see which language options are available with different therapists. For couples in bisexual, homosexual, monogamous, polygamous, polyamorous, or other types of relationships, you might want to know how much experience your potential therapist has worked with couples in a similar relationship. Depending on your circumstances, it may be more appropriate to speak to a relationship therapist or couples counsellor. 

Ultimately, you can and should ask any questions that are important to you. Think about your unique priorities before the session then each of you can come with your list of questions prepared.

The cost of marriage therapy in Singapore will depend on the mental health care professional that you decide to work with. At A Kind Place, we offer the following rates:

• Counsellor-in-training: $85/hr
• Counsellors: $180/hr
• Psychologists: $210/hr
• Senior Psychologist: $280/hr

Looking for affordable marriage counselling in Singapore? Ask us about our range of prorated options. We work on a case-to-case basis so just chat with us and we will make a customised plan for you.

Research around the globe has consistently shown that couples in marital therapy see positive results. The vast majority of couples receiving professional treatment benefit from it and are statistically less likely to divorce.

Marriage counselling is not a magical cure though. Your therapist will not simply fix your marriage with the snap of a finger. However, when a couple arrives committed to making the married relationship work, they see incredible progress.

Marriage counselling and, of course, marriage as a whole, takes work. It takes a willingness to compromise and an open mind. When couples arrive ready to listen and do the work, they are amazed at how quickly they can reconnect. With the neutral third party there to meditate while providing couples with communication tools and techniques, it suddenly becomes possible to work through even the longest-standing issues.