“How are you?”
“Busy.”
It’s a response we hear almost every day. Sometimes, we say it without even thinking. Somewhere along the way, “busy” stopped being a description of our schedule and became a description of who we are.
Being busy almost feels like proof that we’re doing enough, achieving enough, or living a meaningful life. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself:
When did being busy become something to be proud of?
Busy Has Become a Badge of Honour
In today’s world, being busy often feels like a status symbol.
A packed calendar. Back-to-back meetings. Late-night emails. Working through lunch. Saying “I haven’t had a break all week.”
These have quietly become things people admire or feel like “maybe I need to be like that too”.
Research has even found that people who appear busy are often perceived as more successful, capable, and important [1]. In other words, somewhere along the way, busyness became a way of signalling our worth.
But here’s the problem.
Being busy doesn’t necessarily mean we’re living well.
Sometimes, it simply means we’ve forgotten how to slow down.
Working Hard Isn't the Same as Being a Workaholic
Let’s be clear. Working hard isn’t unhealthy.
Many people genuinely enjoy what they do. They find purpose in their careers, feel energised by meaningful work, and are passionate about making a difference.
The problem begins when work stops being a choice and starts becoming a compulsion.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you feel guilty when you’re resting?
- Do you find yourself checking emails during holidays?
- Do you struggle to enjoy your weekends because you’re already thinking about Monday?
- Do you feel anxious when your schedule isn’t full?
These questions matter because workaholism is not simply about working long hours. It is often about feeling an uncontrollable need to keep working, even when it affects your wellbeing.
A healthy worker knows how to switch off. A workaholic often can’t.
Research has found that workaholism is a significant concern and is linked to poorer health and wellbeing outcomes [2]. Ironically, being constantly busy isn’t always good for business either. Research has found that workaholism is associated with more workplace conflict, unhealthy work patterns, and behaviours that can negatively affect both colleagues and organisations [3].
Why Does Rest Feel So Uncomfortable?
Here’s something many people don’t expect.
For some of us, rest doesn’t actually feel restful. Instead, it feels uncomfortable.
Imagine this:
You finally sit on the sofa after a long day… and suddenly your mind starts racing.
“Shouldn’t I be doing something?”
“I’m wasting time.”
“Maybe I should just reply to one more email.”
If you’ve experienced this, you’re not lazy or “bad at relaxing.”
Sometimes, we’ve spent so long linking our value to productivity that being still starts to feel wrong. Psychologists describe this as performance-based self-esteem, it is when our sense of worth becomes heavily tied to what we achieve, produce, or accomplish.
When that happens, rest begins to feel like something we have to earn. The challenge is that there’s always another email, another deadline, another project. If we’re constantly waiting until we’ve “done enough” before allowing ourselves to rest, that moment may never come.
Sometimes, It Starts Earlier Than Work
Our relationship with work often begins long before our first job. Many of the beliefs we carry into adulthood are shaped by our earlier experiences.
Perhaps you were praised mainly for getting good grades. Maybe you learnt that being “the responsible one” earned approval. Or perhaps you felt loved when you were helpful, successful, or didn’t create problems for others.
Over time, these experiences can quietly teach us an important lesson: “My worth comes from what I do.”
As we grow up, these beliefs are often reinforced by the culture around us. We live in a society that celebrates productivity, rewards achievement, and often equates being busy with being successful. Conversations often begin with, “What have you been busy with?” or “What are you working on now?” (sounds familiar?), subtly reinforcing the idea that our value lies in what we do.
When these cultural messages meet our early beliefs, it becomes even easier to tie our identity to our performance. We chase the next achievement, keep saying yes, and struggle to celebrate our successes because they never quite feel like enough.
Not because we’re incapable, but because our self-worth has slowly become intertwined with what we accomplish rather than who we are.
Are You Working…or Avoiding?
Here’s something that often gets overlooked. Many people assume workaholics simply love working.
Sometimes they do. But sometimes…
Work becomes an escape.
It’s easier to answer emails than to sit with loneliness. It’s easier to stay late at the office than have a difficult conversation at home. It’s easier to focus on deadlines than to acknowledge grief, disappointment, or uncertainty.
Work gives us structure. It gives us certainty. It gives us something measurable to succeed at.
In many ways, it becomes a socially acceptable way of avoiding the parts of life that feel much harder. That doesn’t mean everyone who works long hours is avoiding something.
But it’s worth asking yourself:
“When I keep myself busy… what am I making less space to feel?”
Sometimes, the answer isn’t work.
Sometimes, it’s fear.
Sometimes, it’s sadness.
Sometimes, it’s simply not knowing who we are without being productive.
A Different Way to Think About Success
Ambition isn’t the enemy. Meaningful work can bring purpose, fulfilment, and joy.
The goal isn’t to stop caring about your career. The goal is to make sure your career isn’t carrying the entire weight of your identity. Your worth isn’t measured by how many meetings you attend. Or how quickly you reply to emails. Or whether your calendar has a free afternoon.
You’re allowed to rest before you’ve earned it. You’re allowed to enjoy a quiet weekend without feeling guilty. You’re allowed to exist as a person, not just as a producer.
A Question to Leave You With
The next time someone asks, “How are you?”
Notice your first instinct. If your answer is always “busy”, pause for a moment.
Ask yourself:
“How am I really doing?”
Sometimes, that simple question is the beginning of a healthier relationship with both work and yourself.
When Might It Be Time to Reach Out?
If work has become your only source of identity, if rest consistently feels uncomfortable, or if you find it difficult to switch off even when you want to, you do not have to navigate it alone.
At A Kind Place, we support individuals in understanding the patterns behind stress, perfectionism, workaholism, and burnout. Together, we can explore not just how to manage the symptoms, but why they may have developed in the first place.
Because a fulfilling life is not measured by how busy you are. It is measured by how fully you are able to live it.
References
- Bellezza, S., Paharia, N., & Keinan, A. (2017). Conspicuous Consumption of Time: When Busyness and Lack of Leisure Time Become a Status Symbol. The Journal of Consumer Research, 44(1), 118–138. https://doi.org/10.1093/jcr/ucw076
- Andersen, F. B., Djugum, M. E. T., Sjåstad, V. S., & Pallesen, S. (2023). The prevalence of workaholism: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1252373. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1252373
- Morkevičiūtė, M. (2025). Is it really beneficial? A systematic review and meta-analysis of organisational outcomes of workaholism. Current Psychology (New Brunswick, N.J.), 44(10), 9719–9733. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-025-07773-4
