“Probably if she had sounded not that okay, I would have asked more … I really took it at face value that she was fine…”
“When I spoke to her, I really thought that she was okay…”
These are the words we often hear after a suicide happens. Why is it always “If I had known…”? Why does concern come only after something irreversible has happened?
Recently, Singapore was shaken by the heartbreaking story of Ms Jane Lee, a former Sumo Salad employee who took her life after struggling with a workplace injury and the challenges that followed. Even though she appeared calm and composed on the outside, inside, she was carrying so much pain. This tragedy is a painful reminder that we never truly know what someone is going through behind closed doors.
Sadly, she is not alone. Globally, we’ve lost many public figures to suicide — people we thought were “doing well” because they seemed so composed, so successful, so full of life.
We have Robin Williams, an actor and comedian who made the world laugh, yet battled depression and Parkinson’s silently.
How about Anthony Bourdain, the adventurous American chef and travel documentarian, was loved by millions, but ultimately lost in his own inner world?
Cheslie Kryst, a Miss USA winner and TV presenter, seemed to have it all, yet jumped to her death, revealing her struggles with high-functioning depression.
Each of them — like Jane — appeared fine. Until they weren’t.
Even when someone looks fine, they may be feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or unheard. And sometimes, all it takes is one more push, one more dismissal, or one more day of suffering alone for someone to feel like they can’t go on. We never know which might be their last straw…
It makes me reflect:
Why has society become so unforgiving, so quick to judge, until it’s too late?
Why can’t kindness come first?
In many parts of the world — especially here in Asia — we’ve been taught to “tahan” (endure), “move on,” and not “make things a big deal.” In fast-paced workplaces like Singapore, people are expected to show up, perform, and hide their personal struggles for the sake of professionalism. But mental health is not something we can afford to ignore anymore. Stress, silent suffering, and feelings of helplessness are real. And sometimes, people suffer in silence until it’s too late.
So… what can we do?
We may not all be therapists or mental health professionals, but as human beings, we all have the power to show kindness. It doesn’t matter who you are. Whether you’re a manager, colleague, friend, or stranger — Kindness can make a difference.
Here are some small but powerful ways you can support someone who might be going through a tough time:
1. Check in whenever, even if they seem okay.
I want to urge you to check in with those around you. Ask, “Are you okay?” and mean it. Listen without judgment. Give space for people to be human.
We can be understanding and always ASK before assuming. Don’t wait for someone to “look” like they’re struggling. Often, those who seem the strongest are the ones hiding the most.
Try this:
- “Hey, I just wanted to check in — how are you doing today?”
- “You’ve been quiet lately. Want to talk?”
2. Listen Without Fixing
Sometimes, people just need to be heard — not judged, not advised, not fixed. Oftentimes, you might think you are helping someone by giving solutions. Well, you may not be helping! Imagine you are telling people how you feel, and they respond with a dismissive attitude or ramble about ways you can fix it, that feels invalidating towards your feelings…
So, instead of saying:
❌ “Don’t worry, others have it worse. At least you have…”
❌ “Just be positive.”
Try saying:
✅ “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
✅ “Thanks for sharing with me. I’m here if you want to talk again.”
3. Offer presence, not pressure.
If someone isn’t ready to talk, don’t push them. But let them know they’re not alone.
“No rush to talk, I just want you to know I care about you.”
“I’m around if you need a listening ear — anytime.”
4. Encourage support-seeking.
If you sense someone is struggling more deeply, gently suggest counselling or speaking to someone professional.
Such as:
“Have you thought about talking to someone who can help?”
“I know a safe place you can go. I can walk with you if it helps.”
5. And above all… Be Kind.
Even if you don’t have the emotional capacity to do all those, remember — your words carry weight. That one sarcastic comment may throw some off balance, one unfair blame, one public shaming… might be what breaks someone.
For example, if you notice your colleague has been coming in late and missing deadlines.
Instead of saying, “Wah, so slack these days ah?”, you can try: “Hey, I noticed you’ve been a bit off lately — everything okay? Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
It’s a small shift, but one that turns judgment into care.
You never know how much that one kind gesture might mean to someone silently struggling.
At A Kind Place, we believe mental health in the workplace matters. Every person deserves to be supported, respected, and treated with empathy — no matter what role they hold or what challenges they’re facing.
You may not have the power to solve someone’s problems. But your words, your kindness, and your presence might just be the light they need.
💙 You are not alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, please reach out
We’re here to listen — without judgment, and with kindness.
📍 Visit us at A Kind Place or hit the “Contact Us” button below to learn more about our counselling services and mental wellness support.
